Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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