I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
