Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
