I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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