I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
