Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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