I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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