Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there is glitter all over my balls
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