Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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