Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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