I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
