I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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