She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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