Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
