I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
