I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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