Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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