Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
