From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
