he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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