We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
