Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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