Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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