The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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