so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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