Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
