My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize