am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
