make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
