My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
