so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
