He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Damn victory sex feels great
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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