Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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