spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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