my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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