I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
