I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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