Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
3 2 1 whiskey
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
