Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
