Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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