Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
