I cockslap morals
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
