I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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