now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
