Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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