I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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