also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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