First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
