Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
