Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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