I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
