So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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