I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
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I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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