My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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