I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
