shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're like the curious george of whores
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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