Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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